Medical Emergency
by Alexithymea
Summary: Written by my boyfriend. River Song, Amy and Rory decide it's time that the Doctor actually had a check-up. Things turn for the worse however when they find the automated staff of one of the Universe's best medical planets have gone haywire, and are interested more in getting people out off the way than getting them better.
1. Chapter 1

The sparkling white walls of Hippocratus 4 were a blur for Andrew Finnegan. He was moving as fast as he could, battering his way through a pair of official looking double doors, stumbling from the sudden change of momentum but never allowing it to stop him from moving onwards. Ever since the new employees had come in he'd sensed trouble brewing, a milling about in the Rank and Vile, but everyone he'd talked to had told him to get his head checked. Maybe that was why he had been the only one ready for the inevitable. The others didn't see, they didn't want to see, but he saw. And when the Rank and Vile came for them in their beds, only he was able to escape.

Medical rubber soles squeaked on freshly wet tiling, Andrew flapped his arms and let out his own personal squeak as he tried to keep himself upright and moving. A complicated dance of limbs and a severely battered "Danger: Wet Surface" sign later, Andrew pushed off the wall, running on, just constantly running. He'd hidden earlier, when they had come for the human workers, hidden in the mess of highly magnetised machines that the Rank and Vile couldn't approach. He'd hidden when the screams had started, and he'd kept hidden long after the pleading had stopped. Where he was running too, that was something he hadn't thought of yet, that would involve stopping and thinking and he just couldn't do that right now.

As he rounded a corner, wet soles skipping up every now and then as his legs defeated friction, Andrew caught sight of something that made his heart change gears from full throttle straight into reverse. Before him stood the thin, passive looking metal frame of a Vile, the black screen of blinking LCD lights where a face should be displaying a pair of blankly staring eyes. It didn't look like a monster, but it wasn't designed to. Entirely non-threatening, that was the theme behind the skinny droid with the ridiculous head, comically out-dated facial hardware and soft, amiable tones of a serial killer. Nevermind if they could lift a ton in each manacled hand and had a multitude of programs specifically detailing how to disable a human with minimal force. So long as they looked friendly.

Andrew's feet tried to join the direction the rest of him was trying to go, but the more body weight he tried to throw back the way he came the less his feet obeyed. It didn't take much to spell out his fate... a twist, a skid, a rattling thud as Andrew belly flopped onto the immaculate tiles of Hippocratus 4, and a cheery bing bong as the Vile finally noticed him.

"Escaped patient located." Said the silky voice, the sound of soft treading getting closer as the Vile approached "Identity: Andrew Finnegan. Suffering from: Delusional Tendencies, Paranoia, Hypochondria..."

The Vile continued to list disorders, most of which lost on the engineer as he spun around on the floor to throw a kick at the approaching bot. There was a snap, and his leg was caught in the Vile's claw. If the next claw hadn't closed around Andrew's throat he would have screamed. He would have screamed like all the rest, all the others as they were dragged off in the night to whatever hell these droids subjected them to.

"Suggested recovery sector: High Security Psychiatric Ward."

"How long have we got left?" River Song asked, bent over the TARDIS controls, hands moving with purpose. The TARDIS was always an unruly beast, although technically it was simply a "Time And Relative Dimension In Space", it behaved like a person in its own right. It had moods, and right now it was definitely in a bad one. It probably didn't help that the person at the helm wasn't technically the owner of the ship, and the TARDIS tended not to enjoy that. The TARDIS preferred the Doctor's touch.

"They've been gone for an hour now, I didn't think we'd get that." Amy Pond muttered, half amazed and half terrified what the Doctor and her husband could be getting up to right now. She cast her eyes over towards the curly-haired woman of action that was currently flicking at an oddly plunger shaped device sticking from a console. "This will work won't it? I mean, you're not going to drop us into the middle of a black hole or something."

"Relax," River Song replied with a warm, easy going smile towards Amy, "I've flown the TARDIS plenty of times before, and in worse situations. And after all..." She straightened up, rolling back her shoulder and flicking a curl of hair out of her face as if threatening it to defy her again "I was taught by the best." Amy still marvelled at how River managed to smile in a way that was full of both pride and innuendo at the same time.

"All I have to do," River continued, coming back from whatever memory that smile had been around "Is flip this toggle... and..." She yanked at a large switch, the TARDIS lighting up, main consoles flashing and undulating and doing all those strange motions the Doctor loved to see. And then the console shut itself off with a defiant KA-THUNK.

As if on cue a door at the back of the room slid open, letting the Doctor walk backwards through, talking excitedly to Amy's husband, Rory.

"-and you see," the Doctor was motion at the air between himself and Rory, as if trying to conjure up an image of whatever he was talking about out of thin air "It turned out to be complete and utter fact, just merely untested and so completely dangerous to undertake that I knew it must have come from experience! Well, you may ask, how did it happen from experience if I was the first person to ever actually attempt such a thing?" The Doctor seemed to have not noticed it was pitch black in the control room, in fact there seemed to be a lot of things he missed, apart from the stairs. He knew the inside of his own TARDIS back to front, it would take a lot more than the room being dark to make him miss a step.

There was a break in conversation, and for a moment both Amy and River were terrified that the Doctor had finally noticed that they had been attempting to fly the TARDIS. Finally the pregnant silence was broken with a tired sigh from Rory.

"Go on then," he said, in a voice heavy with regret that he was encouraging the Doctor "how did anyone know what to do if they'd never done it before?"

"It was me!" the Doctor couldn't be seen but his actions were clear, he'd probably just spun in a circle, flapped his large hands in Rory's direction and gone in every direction his gangly body would allow "I don't often like leaving little indicators for myself but I rather did it before I knew I did it, if you get what I mean? So, yes, I had to head back to the early twenty second century, stuff the manuscript under the right publisher's nose and- hang on." Oh. There it was.

"Does someone," the Doctor spoke aloud to the completely dark and silent room "want to tell me why the TARDIS is off?" He took a few steps forward, reached for the controls, and received a squeak from River Song in return. It didn't sound like a reluctant squeak, just one of surprise, and then a little chuckle from that direction.

"Uhhh... guys... still here..." Amy said from the darkness, trying to break the awkward moment she was having, mostly with herself.

"Right, yes." the Doctor hit something in the dark and the TARDIS lit up again, illuminating an uncomfortable looking Amy, an exhausted looking Rory and a rather rumpled and grinning River for the Doctor to gaze accusingly at "What were you all doing? You know you're not meant to touch the TARDIS without me being here. It's not nice to touch people's things while they aren't there. Especially when you're distracting them by asking them to tell you about their favourite books." Rory gave a smile that said that the experience had hurt him more than it had hurt the Doctor.

"Nothing suspicious happened sweetie. Amy... leant on a button." River said, making the Doctor whip around, point an accusatory finger at River, then turn to aim it at Amy instead.

"I did not-" Amy began to say before noticing River giving her a meaningful look behind the Doctor's back. She caught on in a split second and gave a firm nod to the Doctor, pursing her lips as her mind whirred to come up with words. "Yes!" she said, returning the finger pointing at the Doctor, refusing to back down from the new lie they'd made up "Yes, exactly. Leant on a button. Complete accident. You know, you should really label what some of these do so I know what not to accidentally lean on in the future."

She could see in the Doctor's eyes that he didn't believe her, but she stood her ground like only she could. She stared him out until he turned away, the Doctor twisting a few dials and generally twiddling with the controls. "Nonsense." he muttered as he basically began to show off at the controls. "It's all perfectly easy to understand. Just set the time with these, set the galactic co-ordinates with those," his motions could have encompassed either a set of carefully tuned instruments, or a plant pot half growing out of a teapot, "make sure the shields are up," the Doctor rotated something viciously for a half second, then clicked something that went clack, "do some maths..." Here he was really showing off, yanking out a screen of complex wavelengths, readings and dimensional stability reports, letting the others see, then yanking the screen away again "And press go."

Everyone held their breath, watching the Doctor, waiting for him. The pause went on however, becoming an awkward silence as the three companions anticipated a sudden lurch of the TARDIS springing into action. Nothing came however, the Doctor didn't move, Amy, Rory and River Song didn't move. Finally, with a headache already pounding along his brow, Rory got fed up. "Which button is go?" he asked, bold facedly asking the question the other two were two tense to ask.

"Oh, well, you do this." The Doctor said, flicking the exact same toggle as River had earlier, and making the TARDIS jerk and shudder towards River Song's input destination. You always did things the long way round with the Doctor, but you got there in the end.


	2. Chapter 2

"Look this really isn't necessary." the Doctor said firmly as the doors of the TARDIS were knocked open, Amy and Rory holding him under an armpit each, dragging him backwards out of the blue Policebox. River Song strutted after them, a smile on her lips from seeing the Doctor manhandled like that. Anything that knocked him down to a human level was alright by her.

"I believe it is sweetie," River said as she walked after them, keeping eye contact with the Doctor the entire time "You keep going on your adventures, keeping heading off alone, and not once have I heard of you going to see if all your bumps and scrapes over the years have actually fully healed."

"I'm a Timelord," the Doctor said, whipping out his all purpose excuse to get out of anything "We regenerate, I have come back from falls, taking the time vortex into my own head, radiation poisoning, spiders! Both! Let go!" He kicked out uselessly, Rory adjusting his grip as the Doctor wriggled like a fussy child.

"You only regenerate when you're near death," River said, giving the Doctor a disappointed pout "That doesn't mean you recover from every scrape. Remember that fall on Crinus the Shivering Moon?"

"It's been a few hundred years since your last regeneration Doctor." Amy said, reaching out to rattle the doorknob of the broom closet they'd materialised in. While most of the time a large blue Policebox would be out of place in a completely white and mostly unoccupied broom closet, Amy knew it would be safe to leave it in here. The Doctor had explained it once, something to do with a chameleon chip or something, if you didn't know it was there you didn't see it was there. Rory hadn't been too pleased when Amy had compared it to his awkward middle-school phase, but the comparison was good enough. "Doors locked." She said, stepping back from the frame and frowning at it.

"Well, we certainly can't have that..." River said with a sigh, shaking her head and slipping a pair of lock picking tools from a secretive pocket and kneeling down before the lock.

"I thought I'd told you to get rid of those things." The Doctor said, trying to speak over his own shoulder as Rory and Amy held him at their mercy.

"Exactly the reason I still have them," River said with a smile "If you tell me not to do something, well, I just know it's going to come of use." There was a click, she stood up, and resumed her spot of gloating over the Doctor.

"That was quick." The Doctor muttered as he was dragged on, not even resisting any more, just letting his shoes scuff along the pristine white floor.

"I've had plenty of experience escaping." River said with a smile, following the others out of the now open door and into a hallway. It was as white and spotless as the broom closet, something that caught Rory's eye.

"You say this is a Hospital?" he asked, turning his head towards River slightly, having to squint a little from how stark the light felt in such a distinctly white room. His migraine from all the doctor's talking was not going away, and the stark white walls were not helping ease his discomfort.

"Not just a hospital." The Doctor was the one to respond, since he could do very little but wriggle his feet at the moment he was more than happy to field any questions as River tried to figure out what direction to go in. "This is Hippocratus 4, part of the medical moon chain that circles the planet Apollo. The very height of thirty first century health care; before everything got all weird and secular in the thirty second." The Doctor was in his lecturing mode, which meant it would be quite difficult to shut him up, even as the others decided on what direction they should be heading and dragged him along the corridors, he continued talking. "Partly automated, wonderful electronics this century, but still with that important human element. Good beds too, decent food, it's no Hippocratus 5, or the Sauna Asteroids of the Steam Goddess, but what is in this day and age? All in all, one of the better places to get treated I suppose." He arched his back suddenly, tugging his arms as he tried to ground his feet and pull free of Rory and Amy, but his companions held tight and he merely wriggled like a hooked salmon. He fell back onto his heels, letting out a breath and muttering "Though I'd rather if I didn't stay at all."

"Hello?" Amy called out as they finally edged through a pair of swinging double doors into what looked like a waiting room. It certainly had enough chairs to be a waiting room, all set up in neat lines up around the walls, with the occasional one or two free roaming as chairs were want to do.

"Are you SURE this is a Hospital?" Rory asked again, eyes scanning the completely empty waiting room. He used to be a nurse, technically he still was, but he had never seen such a hospital as empty as this. He couldn't even hear people in the distance, and with such bare, empty rooms and corridors, surely the sounds would echo like anything.

"You'd think there'd be some staff around or something..." Amy said, as if agreeing with Rory's unspoken worries. They stepped forward again, and some hidden motion sensor let out a joyful little "bing" at their presence. A hatch slid open at the head of the room, revealing a skinny robot, its blank screen taking a second to boot up a pair of vacant LED eyes, giving it a look of passive acceptance.

"That'll be the receptionist." River said with a sigh, trying to hide the fact she'd been taken aback slightly at the sudden appearance of the robot. Even after all this time with the Doctor, she could never get used to things that jumped out at you. Maybe it was the fact she had spent so much time with the Doctor, his adventures gave you somewhat of a nervous disposition. She strode across the room, leading the charge to the small alcove the receptionist appeared to live in.

"Hello there," she said, keeping confidence in her voice even when talking to the machine "We're here for an appointment? For a Mr John Smith?" There was a moment of silence, then the robot jerked upright suddenly, as if it had just realised there were people in the room. It turned its blank eyes to River, then slowly took in the Doctor's restrained position, and the two po-faced figures of Amy and Rory.

"Patients?" it said in soothing tones, processing something behind that impassive face, before turning to stare at River again "Currently one hundred and seventeen patients are booked in under the moniker Mr John Smith. Was the appointment made under any other names to cross reference?"

"Ah, yes... it's also under..." River tapped her chin, it hadn't been that long ago she'd made the appointment, in terms for her that is. It had been several years in reality, but reality didn't bother with time travellers too much "Verity Lambert I believe." She gave herself a little smile. She only used Verity when there was a high chance that she wouldn't be arrested. Probably.

"And your assistants?" the robot asked, the blank gaze returning to Amy and Rory with a soft whir of motors.

River was about to open her mouth to give a convincing lie before she heard the other two speak up. "Amy" "Rory", they said, their honesty the bane of professionals like River. She avoided rolling her eyes at them and simply nodded, as if confirming this "They're here for... emotional support." The robot seemed to be taking some time to consider this... or perhaps it was just processing the Doctor's appointment.

"Uh, excuse me..." Rory said, leaning forward slightly, as if conspiring with the receptionist "Where is everyone? This place is dead." There was a moment of silence. The Doctor looked over his shoulder towards Rory, as if questioning if he'd actually just said that. "I mean... it's empty." Rory corrected himself after a second.

The robot stared on, face blank, before letting out a small chime and replying "Your initial appointment is through the doors, to the left, and follow indicators for the East Wing." Rory stared expectantly at the robot, waiting for an answer to his question. "The patients are being taken care of." the robot replied casually.

"What about the doctors?" Rory asked, looking around as he kept his hold on his own Doctor "There's got to be one around here somewhere right?"

"They are with the patients." the robot said, somehow looking at him and through him at the same time.

"Look, this is all very demeaning," the Doctor said finally "Can we please just get on with it?" He couldn't rightly escape until Amy and Rory let go of him, and they weren't going to do that until they got to the first doctor's office.

"Through the doors. To the left. East wing." the robotic receptionist repeated, before its hatch slid shut and left Amy, Rory, River and the Doctor alone in the room again, with naught but chairs for company.

"Come on then." River said, a little unsettled by that whole interaction. She nodded towards the doors they'd entered through not long before, leading their little troupe off to go attend the Doctor's first appointment.


	3. Chapter 3

"How big IS this place?" Amy asked, pausing in their long haul of the Doctor through the corridor. They'd switched position now, Amy had him by his arms, Rory had his feet. He'd been kicking so much, they decided to carry him around like an injured football player. Minus the stretcher of course.

"It's an entire moon!" the Doctor called out, obviously never willing to give up the grudge he'd formed over being taken to see a health specialist "When he said the East Wing, think of it more like another continent. There's islands of paediatrics, the Western side of the planet is practically a gigantic Emergency room in case there's entire countries that get critically injured, the entirety of the South Pole is where all the proctologists are located..." The Doctor's voice faded away when Rory gave him a sceptical look. "Alright, I might have made that one up, but this place is big. Bigger than London, bigger than Britain." The Doctor got a look on his face, as if he'd just realised life wasn't too bad "And YOU TWO have to carry me all way to the East Wing. Unless of course we go back to the TARDIS." He bobbled his head thoughtfully, though the sheer weight of his oversized noggin being supported by his thin, bird like neck made his head bobble naturally, like one of those dogs you found in tacky cars.

"We are not putting him anywhere near the controls of the TARDIS." River said, running a finger across an interactive map they'd found, the mess of corridors and rooms a mystery to the others "It was lucky break we even got him this far."

"Why, River, don't you trust me?" the Doctor said, trying to look offended and utterly failing to keep the boyish smile from his lips.

River simply sighed, pointing them down another corridor before replying tartly "Doctor, I would say I trust you as far as I can throw you, but I've seen how far I can throw you and I don't trust you that much."

The Doctor let out a loud bark of a laugh, the "HA!" reverberating down the silent paths they still followed. He seemed to grin to himself, then snap his head up and stare at River. "Hold on, since when have you thrown me?" he asked, sounding a little concerned.

"Spoilers." River said with a smile, biting at her lip to keep the laughter at her own memories in check. She loved that word, he'd taught her to use it, even though he didn't realise it sometimes. She'd said it to him in his past, and he'd said it to her in her own past... It was her little joke, and she was going to keep that special little word close, right until the end.

"Look, it's not like it matters." The Doctor said, shaking off the disturbing realisation he was going to be falling for River in the foreseeable future, and not just emotionally, "The East Wing must be a hundred miles away. There's no way this lot will be able to carry me all the way there." He looked around at everyone, attempting to swivel his head much further than his neck would allow. They seemed to be staring at something, something just beyond his line of sight.

"So how does this teleporter thing work?" Rory asked as they stared at the glimmering, chrome plated chamber in front of them. Past the obvious shine that the chrome gave on, the most noticeable thing to Rory was the very long tunnel at the back of the chamber. It was barely large enough for a person to crawl through, and seemed to go on for quite some distance, stretching out further than he could see. The curve of the moon's surface actually blocked him from seeing the other side. The Doctor, realising they'd managed to find another mode of transport over several hundred miles in a matter of second, decided to throw a silent pout again.

"Well, while the Doctor might want to bore you with all the science to it." River said, stepping into the chamber and scanning the shiny metal walls "It's usually as simple as get in a press a button." Only Rory could see the wince of pain that shot across the Doctor's face at that. Press a button indeed. River turned around, staring in confusion at the fact the others were still standing outside of the teleporter chamber. "Why are you out there?" she finally said, after a long moment of shared befuddlement.

"Well... if we all go together, won't we like... mix bits and pieces?" Amy said, shuffling a little and ignoring the derisive laugh that came from behind her "You know... like... Star Trek and all that?"

"Think Pond, think," the Doctor said, ignoring the fact that since Amy had been married, she was technically Amy Williams "This is a hospital, they heal people, they wouldn't have devices just sitting around in the open if they might randomly splice a person in two for pressing a button wrong. Anyway that Star Trek show is entirely science fiction. Photon Torpedoes indeed... You see, what happens with that teleporter, is that the elec-" The Doctor was cut short by a perfectly manicured hand clamping down across his lips, silencing him and leaving a blissful peace in his wake.

"The medics use it all the time." River said softly to Amy as she enjoyed being able to make the Doctor quiet for at least a few moments "It's perfectly safe. Come on."

The teleportation had been... uncomfortable. Not painful, not even distressing, but an uncomfortable feeling, as if everyone was being stretched very quickly, and snapped like a rubber band across an incredible distance. Then, at about half way through the trip, it felt like it was happening in reverse. They were being stretched to their destination, then held there while the rest of them caught up. It felt as if they should have arrived with a "ping" and a great amount of force, what actually happened was a soft welcoming chime and the doors of the destination teleporter sliding open to let them all out.

River strode out, Amy and Rory however... needed a moment. Amy took a step, and looked as if she had all her bones replaced with noodles. With an undignified "Woah!" and a loud "Hey- gah- Geronimo!" from the Doctor, the three still standing inside the transporter fell into a pile of uncoordinated limbs.

"Ah, yes, it can be a bit hard on first timers." River said, going over to aid the others, helping Amy to her feet first, then the Doctor. She planted a kiss on his dazed face, making him just that bit more disorientated so River could spin him over to Amy so he couldn't run off. Finally she helped up Rory, who looked as if he'd been sat on by a sumo wrestler, and not a gangly alien and appropriately proportioned woman.

"Come now, chin up." River said, using a firm hand to guide the others around, straightening the Doctor's bow tie, pushing Amy's hair out of her face, and dusting off Rory's wrinkled clothes "We're almost there. The appointment is just around the next corner." The others were practically supporting each other, but there was no chance that the Doctor would run off. If he tried, Amy and Rory would probably be dragged behind him like a string of cans on a wedding car.

"You know..." the Doctor said as they walked along, talking mostly to himself since River was translating the map again, "one thing has been bothering me about this whole thing..."

"The fact we're not treating you like an immortal God who is limited only by your own personal restraint?" River said, humouring him momentarily as she tried to find their location absolutely correct.

"No, but don't let me stop you from doing that. No, the thing that has been bothering me about this entire thing is... well... If I remember correctly, most of the highly trained professionals on Hippocratus 4 actually reside up in the North." He straightened up and looked around, almost tipping the still struggling Amy and Rory over as he squared his shoulders "So why are we heading East?"

"Simple." River said, waving her hand as if swatting the question out of the way, "We're going to see a specialist." One more corner, a fresh set of doors, this time with a scanner beside it. "Here we are!"

Rory and Amy stuck their arms in the air, letting out a wobbly "Hooray" at this news. The Doctor was running his eyes across every inch of the door however, trying to find something special about this "specialists" door.

"It's not very grand." the Doctor said finally, wrinkling his face in disgust as River slotted their appointment card into the door "He doesn't even have a plaque. What kind of doctor doesn't have a plaque?"

"Sure he has a plaque." River said with a nod, taking a slight step to the side and showing a bronze plaque shining on the wall. The name read "Dr Kenry Hellam", but the following space on the plaque, where qualifications would usually be displayed, had River's hand firmly blocking it from view.

"What are you hiding?" the Doctor said, suspicious at once and taking a little step closer to River.

"Oh... nothing..." River said, giving a little shrug and giving the Doctor a coy smile "Go ahead, you go in first." She waved towards the door with her other hand.

"Not until I see what you're hiding." the Doctor said, taking a step forward again and trying to get in between River and the plaque she was hiding. He tried to shift her hand away, but she was too quick for him... and although he didn't like to admit it, she was much stronger. "Just... let... me... see!" the Doctor said desperately, scrabbling at the plaque, trying to get at the letters under neath.

With one smooth movement River uncovered the plaque, pulling the appointment card out of the slot, and unlocked the door of the office. The Doctor, in a mad attempt to satisfy his curiosity, had managed to sandwich himself between the doorway and River herself. The Doctor got a brief glimpse of River's smile before he was almost catapulted through the doorway, into the office beyond. The door click shut behind him, and River could hear a distinct cry of "A dentist?!" from the other side.

"Just go to your appointment sweetie." River called through the locked door, grinning to herself for managing to trick the Doctor again. She was on a roll today. "It's good for you!"

The Doctor yelled in frustration, looking around the office, the expression on his face somewhere between disgust and terror. Only one thing he could do. He could man up, go to the dentists, get his teeth checked and suffer through having a pair of thick fingers in foul tasting gloves poke around in his mouth. But there was only one thing to do. He pulled out his sonic screwdriver. His one weapon, if it could be called that, since it was entirely non-deadly. It was a tool, something that emitted a variety of different frequencies, and could do everything from reattach barb wire to short out electrical pulses at a distance. Except for wood, it couldn't do wood.

"Sweetie," River said in a dangerous tone, having not moved from her spot on the other side of the door, and hearing the soft whirr of the Doctor's sonic "If you don't go to the dentist right now like a big boy, I will personally knock you out and remove all you teeth with your sonic screw driver. Understood?" There was a moment where the whirr of the sonic could still be heard. Then a click, and the sonic was put back into the Doctor's jacket pocket.

"Good." River said with a sweet smile, the threat hadn't entirely been empty, but she'd known he would see sense eventually "Have a good time sweetie. We'll be back before you know it." She turned to the other two, Rory and Amy still somewhat unbalanced by the teleport over here. "Come on," River said with a little smile at them "We'll go get something to eat. There's bound to be a cafeteria around here somewhere." She waved the map to show she could lead the way, then took Amy's arm to lead them along. Hopefully after a drink these two would stop acting like a pair of zombies.

**A/N:** I would like to say that the Star Trek insult in here does not reflect the views or beliefs of the writer (or the poster, for that matter).


	4. Chapter 4

"I still can't believe how much of a baby he's being about this." Amy said as they sat on uncomfortable plastic chairs in the empty cafeteria, drinking non-descript caffeine supplement beverages. Some things just never changed about hospitals, even if they were weird and spacey, or old fashioned and damn near archaic. There was always a place to get a cup of tea. Or coffee, whatever your poison was.

"I still can't believe how empty this hospital is." Rory said, feeling his words waft away on the wind unnoticed by the other two. He couldn't help it. He got tingles when he walked around this place. The silence, the way everything seemed to be running, but no one was around, as if the entire place had been vacated in a matter of seconds. Even the drinks had been hot... not that that really mean anything with the automating of everything.

"Well it's in his nature by now..." River said with a sigh, pursing her lips and blowing softly at the hot liquid inside her cup, "If you've been out there exploring for a thousand years, getting an entirely new body every time you damage the old one, you'd probably not like someone telling you you're not looking after yourself."

"His teeth certainly need it..." Amy said thoughtfully, sighing at the ceiling as she thought about the state the Doctor was in "I'm pretty sure I've only seen him eat sweets in the entire time I've been travelling with him." She frowned, stirred her cup of tea, then looked a little disgusted at the fact she'd barely seen him eat anything but sugary treats.

"She why now?" Rory asked, turning to River "Why bring him here if he's had almost a thousand years of looking after himself by now?" He didn't want to diminish River's efforts, but surely after a thousand years the Doctor would know what he was doing.

"He's playing fast and loose with this body of his." River said with a soft tut, frowning into her cup as if trying to read the future "And I don't know if he's ever gone for such a long time just looking after himself." She sipped her tea, then sighed heavily, much more heavily than her usual confident manner would allow "And I really want him to stick around. The Doctor may not really die... but... he changes... And this one is mine." That smile was back, that confident, innuendo filled smile. There was just a hint of sadness there however.

The Doctor was, for all extents and purposes, not enjoying his time at the dentist's. After an extended waiting time where he and the four walls stared it out, a door at the back of the room opened with a cheery "The dentist will see you now." There hadn't even been a receptionist in here to pass the time. Something was up, Rory was right, but the problem was that no one really understood what he was right about. The Doctor was just going to have to figure out what was wrong, and until he did, he might as well play along with this whole Facade River was forcing him through.

The Doctor stepped into the dentist's office proper, taking in the well concealed drawers filled with teeth scrapers and cotton balls, the reclining padded chair with arm rests, and the overhead lamp, which was designed more to blind the patient than actually aid the dentist. It took less than a second for the Doctor to see everything that was in the room, but what really caught his attention was the shiny new robot standing beside the chair. It was... much less friendly looking than the receptionist they'd talked to earlier.

This mess of metal and wires was meant for one thing and one thing only, the rather disgusting business of cutting, slicing and removing parts from a diseased or injured body. It was like an upright hand, a hand with a few too many fingers and tank treads. It wasn't as tall as the Doctor, barely five foot, but there was no face, nothing to focus on but the array of drills, saws and scalpels at the end of each finger. The fact it spoke with that same calm voice as the receptionist earlier made the Doctor's skin crawl.

"Please, take a seat." It said, waving those long fingers towards the chair, managing to stare expectantly at the Doctor without eyes.

"Where's... what's his name? The one with his name on the plaque?" the Doctor said, waving a hand backwards out of the room. He almost lost that same hand as the door slammed behind him, rather rudely smacking against his outstretched fingers, and cutting off the only escape route. Still, the Doctor stood his ground, refusing to move away from the door, even if it was definitely locked.

"Please, take a seat." It replied in that same soothing tone, the effect marred as the overhead light caught one of the vicious looking saw blades.

"The doctor. Dentist. Whatever. Where is he?" the Doctor said, bringing his injured fingers to his lips and sticking them between his teeth, as if biting them would stop the pain.

"Please, take a seat." It repeated, pausing, waiting... then finally seeming to relent some information. "You will be with the dentist soon." it decided on. Carefully chosen words. Not a lie, but not comforting, "Please, take a seat, or your lack of cooperation will be noted and we shall be forced to restrain you."

"A bit of a leap don't you think?" the Doctor said with a grin at the machine, trying to laugh in the face of danger "From politely asking to full on cuffs and manacles?" He still hadn't moved, but the hand he'd been nibbling on had moved downwards, only slightly, towards the inside pocket of his jacket.

"Resistance recorded, patient will be restrained." the cheery voice called out before the fingers of that mechanical hand sprung to life, all twisting to face the Doctor. No matter how unwilling a patient was, surely they did not deserve THAT man blades and drills pointed at them. For the first time the little tracks sprung to life beneath that swathe of metal arms, practically skidding on the well maintained floor as the machine shot straight towards the Doctor.

With practised ease the Doctor drew his sonic screwdriver, his hands moving faster than half the gunslingers he knew, flicking, fiddling, twisting the mysterious tool as the air filled with the sharp squeal of sonic resonance. Back against the closed door, the Doctor almost sucked in his stomach as the robot rolled towards him, the cheery voice letting out a calm "Threat detected." Seconds passed like decades, saw blades whirred, sparks flew, and with a soft hiss, the assaulting robot slid to a stop.

"Cutting it a bit closer there I think..." the Doctor said, the sonic still softly whirring in his hand as he ducked beneath the dissecting tool that had been trying to give him a haircut. "Now... what exactly has happened around here, hmm? Time for your check-up!" he said, leaning in and carefully prodding at the mess of wires that was the heart of the metal beast. "Medical robots don't just up and attack people for no reason... and there should be at least one person around this place, even if it's to mind the teleporters..." the Doctor's brow was furrowed as he pressed the sonic deeper into the heart of the machine, then he flicked his eyes up towards one of the sleek drills that was still dangling above him "Not exactly in a talking mood? Don't worry... all you need to do is open up... and say Ah!"

As the Doctor poked and prodded like a troublesome child with a live insect, he failed to notice the faint stirring of the fingers above him, a slow twist of a drill, a shift of a joint. He noticed however, when the speaker that was practically right in his ear said in a calm down "Sonic interference detected. Applying dampeners and synchronising."

"Right!" the Doctor said, taking a hurried step back and finding he was still unfortunately pinned between the machine and the door "Very good, very well done. I see you have been a good murder bot and flossing regularly." He turned his sonic around, pressing it into the doorframe, talking quicker the more the machine began to retain its ability to move.

"Relaying sonic dampener information via intranet." It said in return, barely recognising that the Doctor was there.

"Oh no no no, no need for that." the Doctor said with a shake of his head, desperately running his sonic up and down the edge of the doorframe. He swallowed as one of the drills whirred menacingly, the single finger it was on pushing forward, edging onwards with the inevitability of a planet's orbit. "Well, it's been a wonderful appointment," the Doctor said, his body flat against the door as he tried to get as far away from the machine as possible, "but I'm afraid our time is up!"

With that, the door slid open, and the Doctor flopped without grace onto the floor the other side. He didn't waste time trying to regain his breath, flipping over and pointing his sonic at the door again, slamming it shut after him. The drill had lunged forward just as he'd fallen, missing his head by inches and snagging a few hairs in the process. It had also lunged straight into the path of the slamming door, and the broken finger of the robot was crushed between the door and its frame.

"Now then..." the Doctor said, standing up slowly, taking deep breaths, trying to recover from that rather stressful ordeal "I should go find the others..." He moved a bit closer to the door he'd just fallen through, talking louder so the machine on the other side could hear "And then we're going to get to the bottom of this. Believe you me." The door shuddered, the drill gave a threatening whirr, but nothing else moved... apart from the Doctor, who had flinched back at least three feet.

"Well I see your point." the Doctor said to the drill, after managing to compose himself again.


	5. Chapter 5

You could hear a plastic spoon hit the floor in the tea rooms. Rory, Amy and River all sat there, as silent as a person could be while drinking a hot beverage and trying to ignore the ever building tension. They were used to tension, but not this kind. This was the kind of tension that smothered, it crept in slowly, taking its time to fill up the entire room until it was all a person could breathe, like a noxious gas. The tension was so strong that the trio could barely taste their synthetic brews over the anticipation of trouble to come.

It was Amy who broke first. She might have been the girl who waited but that did not make her the girl who liked to wait. Her chair screeched on the floor as she stood up, instantly pacing back and forth as Rory and River sat at the table, staring deadpan around the room.

"What's going on?" Amy said instinctively "Look, I can feel it, we can all feel it. Something's wrong here." Rory opened his mouth to suggest something, but Amy cut him off with a firm "I'm not in the mood for 'I told you so'."

Rory, who was mildly insulted, particularly because he wasn't going to tell his wife 'I told you so', decided to remain quite, and crossed his arms with a frown. He swirled his faux-coffee in his cup, eyes scanning the room for even the vaguest hint of a threat; he'd gotten rather good at it since his roman days. Not that he was a centurion any more, or a robotic figment of his wife's imagination. He decided to avoid pondering his life right now, it would lead to strange places, and he needed to be alert.

River watched the others act like, for lack of a better word, an old married couple. It was around the second time that Amy turned to Rory and asked him why he wasn't doing anything about the strange circumstances that River decided she couldn't take it any more.

"I suppose," she said, barely over her usual speaking volume, but somehow causing an echo in the empty tea room "We could always... ask someone?" She sipped her glorified leaf-water and grimaced at the taste, pouring in another artificial sweetener as she purposefully ignored the incredulous looks Amy and Rory were giving her. When Amy's temper threatened to flare up again she added "I mean, there's no people around, but there are robots. Probably plenty of them. And I'm sure that they'll be more than happy to help, since that very motto is practically carved into half of them."

"Not a good idea." the Doctor said as he stepped silently into the room. The effect was immediate, with a snap the tension caused Rory, Amy and River to all jump simultaneously. Cups spilled and mostly tepid liquid seeped down Rory's trouser leg. The Doctor didn't seem to notice that both River and Rory had snatched their hands to their hips instinctively, each reaching for a gun and sword respectively.

"Did you like that? Old trick I picked up from some Tibetan monks." the Doctor seemed pleased that he'd managed to surprise his companions, approaching them with a little smile and avoiding Amy's piercing glare.

"Shouldn't you be in the middle of your appointment?" River said pointedly.

"I think we all know there is something more important going on right now than the cleanliness of my molars." the Doctor said as he placed his knuckles on the table. He was holding his sonic screwdriver in his hand. That wasn't a good sign. It meant he was prepared, prepared for anything, in case anything popped round the next corner with a big hammer and a grudge.

"The robots around here aren't robots anymore." the Doctor said calmly, explaining the situation in that calm, slow method he used, as if explaining something to a child "And by that I mean the true meaning of robot, rabota, meaning worker, or servitude. They are no longer... slaves. To put it simply, they are not doing what they are told. They are not doing what they should be."

"So, what, they're taking breaks and talking back to their supervisor?" Amy said with a half shrug and a look of forced calm. She was trying hard to disguise the fact the Doctor had made her jump, and that made her belligerent at best.

"What I'm saying, dear Mrs Pond, is that they might have made sure their supervisors took a rather extended break themselves. Perhaps in the neck department, and I'm not talking Orthopaedics." despite the situation, or maybe because of the high tension, Rory couldn't help but give an awkward smile "Of course... it could be worse."

Amy and Rory shared a glance. They didn't want to ask what could be worse than a snapped neck, but they'd been with the Doctor long enough to know it existed, whatever it was.

"So, what do we do? If we don't know what's going on, but all we know is that the robots-" the Doctor held up a finger to pause River mid-sentence, River rolled her eyes slightly and said "machines are acting out? What's our first move?" She couldn't help but feel a little exposed right now, four people, what felt like an empty planet, and perhaps millions of angry machines. The odds were not with them. Then again, when were the odds ever truly with them?

"Well, my dear River, that's where I've had a stroke of genius." the Doctor seemed to be back to his chipper self, grinning that wide grin of his, fiddling with his screwdriver. "See it's quiet ingenious." he said , bobbing on his feet "We're going to ask one of the machines."

A moment of silence passed through the group, like a growl of a particularly angry feral cat, but without any sound at all, and certainly without any feral cats in the vicinity.

"Ask a machine?" River said, her voice somewhere between arctic and restaurant freezer level of cold "The idea I had five minutes ago, before your little speech?" The Doctor gave a nod, fingers playing with his bowtie. "The idea you said was, I quote, not a good idea?" River continued on, refusing to let this drop.

"Yes." the Doctor said with a little nod, his hands refusing to stop playing with at least something on his outfit.

"And what, exactly, makes it a good idea now?" River said.

"Well... I had it." the Doctor grinned his chipmunk grin.

"Well there's only so much a woman can take." Amy said, kneeling beside the Doctor as he stared off blankly at a wall with one hand over his other eye.

"She hit me!" the Doctor exclaimed. His cries were more from shock than pain, he'd certainly had pain in his time, but the sucker punch that River had landed on him had put his world in a rather desperate spin.

"Well you've hardly been cooperative throughout this entire thing, have you?" Amy said with a tut, standing over the Doctor like she was explaining to a child why pulling the dresses of little girls got you one to the face.

"But she didn't have to hit me!" the Doctor said, turning his one good eye to Amy. Rory, who had been concealed from view thanks to the hand clamped over the Doctor's right eye, new swung into view.

"Think it's funny seeing people getting beaten up my pink backpack when he was twelve?" the Doctor said immediately, his bruised ego trying to inflate itself again.

Rory stopped laughing, a scowl drooping over his brow instead as he was reminded of those dark times. "It was a hand-me-down." he said defensively, a well repeated line from his childhood.

"It doesn't matter. " Amy said, though part of her giggled childishly as the boys fought "We have bigger fish to fry here." She reached down, lifting the Doctor to his feet with care, since the Doctor seemed a little unstable on his feet.

"Yeah, like my eye!" the Doctor said with a firm nod.

"No, not like your eye. Not like it at all." Amy said curtly to the Doctor "I'm talking about River. Leaving. A moment ago, remember?"

"It's all fuzzy." the Doctor said with a dismissive wave "And my eye could be serious. She might have dislodged it. Or burst it. Or done all kinds of... bleergh..." He waved his hand that wasn't cupping his eye, clearly showing his lack of anatomy.

"River might get in trouble!" Amy said firmly, almost stamping her foot but deciding not to go down to that childish level "We just figured these robo- machines are running mad and now she's stormed off because you made her angry."

"River's a big girl, she can handle herself. Anyway, I need to see a professional about my eye." the Doctor said, fully aware that what he was saying was completely futile. River could be in danger. She didn't know what it was like out there, what lengths the machines would go. She might have a gun, but they had knives, and bone saws, and needles, and a thousand more machines just waiting to backup every of their brethren that fell.

"I'm a professional." Rory replied to him, still mildly sulking.

"You're a nurse."

"He's the best you've got." Amy said flatly "Now, you two, go over there and make friends again. Rory, check his eye. Doctor, think of a way to find River, and how to make it up to her." The two men turned to complain, their mouths flapping open in unison to utter distaste at this idea. Amy stuck one firm finger into the air and said in a soft Scottish hiss "And if you don't go over there and be pally right now there will be three more black eyes before we leave this room." That did the trick.

Amy was sure there was a reason River had left the map behind when she'd stormed out. That was why she was looking over it as the two men sorted out their personal issues in a corner. She turned the electronic map over in her hands, searching for some kind of power button, an indicator of how to turn it on; the Doctor would know, he'd find it in a heartbeat. Half a beat even, a semi-beat of his two hearts. Right now though, Amy didn't trust the Doctor. He was being so childish over all this, so defiant over every little thing. This was even before River had hit him, before they'd known about the machine problem. What was it that was making him act so out of character? Rory was practically bearded lumberjack level of manliness next to the Doctor at the moment, and the chance troubled Amy.

There was a soft "bwip" as Amy pressed down a button, the map lighting up and proudly displaying "you are here" among the twisting white corridors that lay beyond the tea room. There were also several moving pink dots that throbbed softly as they moved around – the machines, most likely, since nothing else could be moving out there. There was something else though, something Amy hadn't expected. As they'd been walking around, River had been making notes.


	6. Chapter 6

She should probably go apologise, work with him to solve the crisis happening around them, save as much as she could of Hippocratus 4 and agree to forget about the Doctor's booked appointments if he forgot about the punch to the face. Maybe. That deal felt despicably raw on her end, so she decided to continue walking until she could think of a way to both apologise and get the Doctor to go to his checkups as well. It was for his own good.

As River rounded a corner she was made very aware of the other reason she was wondering around the abandoned halls alone. The machine stood at the end of the hall, one of those strange clamp-handed ones with the blank expression; it appeared not to have noticed her as she ducked back behind a corner. If she did this alone, she could do this her way. She recollected the time she'd made a Dalek beg for mercy before, surely one little medical droid wouldn't be an issue? She carefully pulled a gun from her shoulder holster, checked the safety was off and rounded the corner again.

The moment she rounded the corner then machine lunged. Damn it had moved quietly, managing to sneak up on River in the few seconds she'd taken to check her weapon. She'd underestimated the damn machine, and she would have paid the price for it if her reactions hadn't been so finely tuned. It was almost comical in the way the machine's legs were whipped out from under it, one spiraling off into the distance as it slammed impassive face first into the floor. River smiled to herself as she watched the droid wriggle on the floor, trying to figure out at what point it had lost a limb.

"Now..." River said calmly, standing above the prone figure "We are going to have a little talk."

"Customer satisfaction is our priority, how many I assist you?" replied the machine at her feet, the stumped leg giving a twitch as it tested its functionality.

Right, this might not be too difficult then. They might be going against programming, but they still acted like robots. "I want to talk to a human." River said firmly, the gun still aimed downwards.

"We here on Hippocratus 4 hire many different species and nationalities from across the galaxy with no discrimination between colour, creed, or number of limbs." the stump sparked dramatically as the machine wriggled it, "If there is a medical reason why you can only be seen by a human doctor, please give a valid response."

The machine lunched again, snapping one of its clamped hands towards River's left leg. The offending claw joined the other disembodied limb across the other end of the hallway and River took a slight step back.

"Fine! Take me to a doctor. Tell me where one is!" River said testily, wishing she could put a concentrated energy beam through the thing's damn head already and move on.

"There are no doctors available at this time."

"It's an emergency." River said, her voice getting ice cold as she watched the robot twitch. It was going to lunge again, she knew it.

"If it is an emergency please attempt to take a shuttle to Hippocratus 1 for our local accident and emergency branch. Hippocratus 4 is strictly by appointment only." It didn't move. Yet.

"I can't get there! Get me a doctor. A nurse. Whatever." River was growing impatient, she might just take all the limbs off to see if it would make her feel better about this whole situation. The Doctor would have probably just hacked into its memory banks by now and have the answer highlighted on that damn map she left behind.

"All doctors and nurses are unavailable. Robotic assistance will be along shortly to attend to your emergency." the machine said in that placid voice.

"No!" River said, trying to recover this before it all spiralled out of control "Humans! Or at least someone who isn't a machine."

"Due to the cyborg equal opportunities act-"

"Quiet." River's temper was acting up but her gun was steady "Get me... get me a midwife!"

There was a pause, a small chirping noise came from the robot at River's feet. It seemed to be processing something.

"A midwife?" it repeated back to her.

"Yes. Midwife. I'm... pregnant. About to give birth, having contractions, emotionally unstable, all that." River was just rolling with it. She was very glad that the Doctor wasn't around for this, he'd probably be flipping his lid at this point. Or laughing. River wasn't sure which would be a worse result.

"You do not appear to be preg-"

"I'm holding a gun to you robot does that sound like something an emotionally unstable pregnant woman would do?" River snapped quickly. As she heard a sound from further down the hall she remembered distinctly the robot telling her that it had summoned others to come help with her emergency. She only took her eyes off the machine at her feet for a second, but that was all it needed.

River's shot missed as the robot lunged, shattering its stupid blank face with her next shot rather than severing its remaining clamp from its body. With a heavy, dead robot attached to left leg there was no way to run, and getting it off completely would take too long. She had to fight. She twisted around, releasing the first couple of shots before even fully seeing what was approaching. Three robots fell, but the moment River set eyes on the advancing force, she knew it was hopeless. The corridor behind her was filled with machines, expressionless faces staring into the distance as they advanced on her. Fighting felt like less of an option by the second.

River knew what she had to do. It wasn't nice, wasn't fancy, but it might save her life. Turning the gun downwards, she closed one eye and concentrated hard on her target. The base of the clamp was so near her leg it was going to be a difficult shot to pull off, but River couldn't drag around half a ton of robot as she ran. She took a breath and squeezed the trigger. Immediately a white hot gash of pain roared down her left leg, a scream of agony erupting from River as she felt the shot graze her; but she was free, the clamp came off the robot, still attached to her leg but it was better than nothing. She began to run.

Five steps into the run, as the adrenaline from the pain wore off, River felt the leg give. It was damage, scorched down one side, and from the flowering of pain in her foot she guessed she might have just blown off her own pinky toe. She grit her teeth, but she was going down. Ten steps in and River was on her knees, her gun dropped, her arms against the wall as she tried to force herself back onto her feet. As she just managed to scratch her way back upright, she felt several large clamps seize her arms and leg. She let out another scream as she was lifted into the air, the clamps tight around her burnt leg, showing no mercy as they held her tight.

"Contractions confirmed." said a soft robotic voice beneath her "Transporting patient to closest midwife."

It had worked. It had actually worked. River almost laughed, but whenever she opened her mouth her leg reminded her she was still in extreme pain. As she was carried away by the vile machines, she couldn't help but question if she should count this as a success or not.


End file.
